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Search Results 0 to 5 of about 6 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Dec 2, 2013 11:30pm PST
good enough for government work. get on the school bus, kids! principal obama says the bridge is 0% complete. (laughter) folks, i can see why the administration hadn't got the health care web site up to speed yet-- because they clearly have other priorities. >> every thanks giving the president chooses one turkey to pardon. >> well, tonight president obama is letting you influence the decision by voting on line. >> uncle sam needs you to vote. so do these turkeys, caramel and popcorn, the finalist for national thanksgiving turkeys. only one bird can hold the title. you can vote online. stay tuned to see who wins. >> stephen: oh, i understand why is screwed: obama needed his a-team to work on turkeycare . gobble. (laughter) here's how it works. you see, the presidential turkey pardon this year was decided by an online vote. it's like "hot or not" where hot is defined as 375 degrees for three hours. (laughter) what a waste of america's time, ladies and gentlemen! because any fool can see that popcorn is the better turkey! i mean, just look at the actual stats they prov
Comedy Central
Dec 10, 2013 9:30am PST
? oh, thank you kind sir, i lost my job at the pudding factory. a wee problem for a spot of jam. >> what a sad story, president obama would want me to give new handout. >> ha, i'm actually a journalist portraying a no good scammer. now i'm going to blow this 20 bucks on a cadillac full of my welfare queen baby mammas. >> hi, i'm stephen colbert of the colbert report stephen colbert. you see how easy that was? it only took jay one second to give me 20 dollars. that is $72,000 an hour or $150 million a year. tax-free. and guess what, folks, it wasn't even real. just imagine how much money i would have if i were really homeless. >> can i have my 20 dollars back. >> no, jay, they need to learn. now quick, put these on. five, six, seven, eight. i hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring ting tingling too ♪ ♪ oh it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together you with ♪ ♪ >> stephen: welcome back. welcome back, everybody. folks, if you had followed-- you would know that i, stephen colbert, am no stranger to award ceremonies. i won emmies, my peabody, a few writers and producers g
Search Results 0 to 5 of about 6 (some duplicates have been removed)